The Vexatious Lord Draben
by DawnofAzazel
Summary: Abandoned and alone after witnessing his name come from the Goblet of Fire Harry finds himself in the company of an apparently indebted ghost.


Harry sat in an unused classroom away from the castigating stares of his friends and peers blankly looking at the cold grey stones that made the wall in front of him, lost deeply in thought.

How did his name come out of the cup? He never went anywhere near the Goblet of Fire after it was placed in the main antechamber waiting for contestants to offer their names to it in an effort to win momentary glory and enough gold to pay for half of a firebolt.

Ron was convinced that his narcissism was reaching the epic levels previously only touched by Narcisssus himself, even the ever faithful Hermione believed that his fame had finally got the better of him and so here he was desperately postponing the unavoidable encounter with reality that was awaiting him just through the door and down the corridor.

"Alastor Moody placed your name in the Goblet of Fire"

"What?" Harry said broken from his prior contemplation completely missing what had been said by whoever interrupted him, about-facing he saw a rather aristocratic looking man appearing rather dapper in an ankle length overcoat and tall tophat glowing in pale luminescence the way that only a ghost truly can.

"I said Alastor Moody placed your name in the Goblet of Fire"

"Why would he do that?"

"I said he placed your name in the Goblet of Fire not I suddenly know the inner thoughts of a paranoid Auror, your guess is as good as mine, well perhaps not, _I am _a several hundred year old being with decades of experience in political intrigue whilst you are an angst ridden adolescent slacker but I dare say even you can discern that whatever the reason you're more fucked than a fish in a desert."

"Well why did you tell me and not the headmaster?" Harry said, hope rising in his chest "If he can prove that Moody put me in then maybe I won't have to compete."

"Tell the Headmaster? You mean the longtime confidant of Alastor Moody? The man who placed the wards around the cup to stop exactly this sort of thing from happening?"

"Well... Professor McGonagall then?"

"The woman who is so completely under Dumbledores thrall as to be completely subservient to him?" the ghost drawled sarcastically.

"Why are you telling me this? What do you want? And who the fuck are you?"

"In no particular order I am The Lord Draben, I want you to survive this tournament because I cannot leave this realm until I settle my debt to your forebearers."

"What do you mean you cant leave?"

"I mean exactly what I said, through a series rather exceptional circumstances involving a life debt, a necromantic ritual, a binding oath and a sliver of soul magic I find myself inexorably linked to your line and should you die without children before I can save your life I will be bound for all eternity in this terrible half life that is my current existence."

"I see... " Harry let out slowly very much not understanding everything that had been said but unwilling to show as much to what may very well turn out to be his only ally.

"What is it you would have me do then? I dont know anything about this tournament, except that it has a rather horrific death toll and a propensity for pitting school children against creatures which would kill fully trained wizards nine times out of ten?"

"Fortunately, for you that is, _I do _know about the tournament and before my rather unsuccessful attempt at death I was an accomplished wizard, believe me when I say that if I cant help you you're fucked."

"And what would you have me do? Study the mysteries of magic until I am able to summon the very earth itself in my defence? Harry raged at the ghostly figure.

"Perhaps something a little less grandiose but yes essentially correct, I feel that with a little less attitude and a lot more ability and intellect you might actually become someone about whom tales are told for centuries to come, that being said I honestly couldn't care less what you do as long as you survive or I save your life, So what's it to be then? The ghost sneered at the pale boy before him "Will you rail against the injustices of reality?, your life flickering out as a candle in the wind? Or will you man the fuck up and do something about it?

"Fine" the bespectacled boy relented "How do I start?"

"You start by changing your attitude, you're naïve and not nearly paranoid enough for someone who has had multiple attempts on their life."

Harry opened his mouth to protest but even as he did so images of Voldemort, Basilisks, Trolls and Dementors ran through his head "So..." he began "you are going to teach me how to be paranoid?"

"Hopefully" the ghost offered flippantly "But I can't exactly see it being an easy process so for the moment I will drip feed you."

"You must understand that the first and most important piece of information to any well maintained paranoia is 'will this affect me?' if the answer is yes the next two questions will serve to prioritise your paranoia, when? And how?"

"A well maintained paranoia?" Harry questioned silently beginning to regret ever listening to the potentially psychotic 'Lord Draben'.

"Yes" the ghost looked upon the still unsure boy "For instance the Hufflepuffs are likely to be rather upset at you for stealing Cedric's limelight."

"But I didn't steal anything you know that!"

"I didn't want to even be in this stupid bloody tournament"

"Regardless" Draben insisted "Whether it was your intention or fault it doesn't really matter you have done so, as I was saying they are probably quite upset so from tomorrow until the forseeable future you will have to worry about anything from harmless pranks and snide comments to being cursed or attacked, likewise the Gryffindor's are likely to be rather put out that you knew how to get past the wards around the Goblet and didn't clue them in, so you can reasonably expect humiliating pranks, rude comments and otherwise uncomfortable living situations from the moment you return to the tower onwards."

"So I should be more worried about the Hufflepuffs?" Harry half stated half asked figuring that if he was going to be attacked that would be worse.

"You are an idiot."

"What is going to happen first? You going back to the Gryffindor tower or tomorrow? If I were you I would spend the next few hours until curfew avoiding Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and learning how to protect myself while I sleep." he said leaving the room through the rear wall.

"**Wait** how do I..." Harry began voice trailing off as he heard Lord Draben's last words to him echoing down the corridor.

"What do I look like a Library? Figure it out yourself"

"Well fuck" Harry said slumping tiredly in his seat "This is going to be one long fucking night."


End file.
